Adopt a Monster: The Official Rulebook

Repairs and Healing: Should your monster ever come undone, a needle and thread will suffice..

Home Sweet Home

3.3 Privacy Policy: Your monster may know all your secrets, but we won’t. All information is kept confidential.

Monster Maintenance

2.1 Grooming: Regular dust-offs and cuddle sessions will keep your monster looking its best.

Legal Mumbo Jumbo

Return Policy: While we aim for instant love connections, we understand that relationships can be complicated.

Final Adoption Agreement

Terms and Conditions of Adoption

Section 1: Home Sweet Home

  • 1.1 Monster Habitat: Upon arrival, your crochet monster will need a cozy space to call its own. Preferred habitats include comfy sofas, spacious bookshelves, and sunny windowsills. Basement dwellings and dusty attics are strictly prohibited, as they may lead to excessive sulking and/or plotting of mischief.
  • 1.2 Feeding Your Beast: No need to stock up on monster munchies; your crochet monster thrives on laughter, love, and occasional sunlight. Warning: Overfeeding with negativity may result in unruly behavior and a tangled disposition.

Section 2: Monster Maintenance

  • 2.1 Grooming: Regular dust-offs and cuddle sessions will keep your monster looking its best. For extreme cases of dirt or grime, a gentle hand-wash is advised. Machine washing is akin to monster torture and is frowned upon by the Council of Crochet Elders.
  • 2.2 Repairs and Healing: Should your monster ever come undone, a needle and thread will suffice for surgical repairs. Local seamstresses, grandmothers, and handy individuals are approved caregivers for such operations.
  • 3.1 Monster Rights: Each monster is a unique individual with feelings and secrets. Any attempts to replicate or mass-produce our monsters using dark sorcery or photocopying technology will be met with disapproval and possible hexes.
  • 3.2 Return Policy: While we aim for instant love connections, we understand that relationships can be complicated. If you find yourself incompatible with your monster, you may return it to us within 30 days, provided it has not been exposed to fire-breathing dragons, swamp monsters, or toddlers.
  • 3.3 Privacy Policy: Your monster may know all your secrets, but we won’t. All adopter information is kept confidential and will never be sold to goblin markets or evil corporations.

Section 4: Final Adoption Agreement

By completing your monster's adoption, you vow to abide by these terms, providing a nurturing environment filled with giggles and occasional adventures. In return, your monster pledges to ward off bad dreams, inspire creativity, and occasionally hide your socks.

Thank you for choosing to provide a loving home for our crochet monsters. May your days be filled with joy and your nights with whispered secrets of otherworldly adventures.